Aunt Gloria is dead and I am still wondering where I am in all that. Going to where she drowned was helpful and yet there seems to be more closure to come. Maybe I want to move through the pain too quickly like my father and his mind. I keep focusing on his saying he will die in September and wishing it were here already so the pain would end. The pain will not end. I might as well walk through it. The pain of loss of my beloved father is so huge I would blow away the ocean to the next continent with one scream. I am needing to take a deep breath with that one. Death, an end to a dream, an illusion of this life, a beginning of love.